The Realities of Childbirth: Amber's Birth Blog Chronicles

As the owner of Amourable Shots, my first birthing experience was challenging. You’re told to listen to your body but there is always that one person who will tell you differently. I arrived at L&D department where the nurses were indeed friendly. As I was laboring, they did a routine check to monitor your dilating progress. Almost 1 hour in, the nurse told me to get in a wheelchair with no explanation and wheeled me to another room telling the other nurse how much I’ve dilated and that I’m now close enough to be in a delivery room. This was not something the nurse told me until she came out of nowhere asking if I wanted the epidural. I was already confused at this point because I didn’t know how much I was dilated and needed to know at least to get a good estimate on when I may want to take the epidural. The nurse told me to wait because I have a long way to go.

So, I did. I knew the dilated cm doesn’t necessarily tell you when the baby is ready to come because everybody is different but being informed would’ve been helpful! It would’ve been helpful because after being in alot of pain where I feel like I couldn’t take it, I finally asked for the epidural. The man came in around 10 minutes later and prepped me for the needle. He stuck me twice because he couldn’t complete it the first time. It was painful for me because it felt as though he hit a nerve making my whole body jerk twice. 

Prior to this, I told the nurse I had to use the bathroom several times or maybe even the portable pan that sit on those stands if I couldn’t walk all the way to the bathroom. She insisted that I did not know what I was feeling because this was my first birth and told me that it was just a contraction. She advised me to just lay back. I simply told her in these exact words “I know my body and when I have to push out of that end” as I was pretty sure it wasn’t. I wasn’t naive to the fact that things do move fast during laboring and the baby could come soon but keep in mind they never told me how many cm I was dilated. And with everything going on with anticipation, I did not think to ask. I ended up soiling the sheets and found out when it was time to push. I know the same muscles are being used during birth but still a better approach could've been used! Once the on-call doctor came in (not my doctor)  with no greeting or introduction to us as parents she came straight to my bed and looked over me asking “what’s this?” in a very blunt tone.

The doctor then motioned towards me telling the nurse “somebody clean this up” in a slight mug tone. The way she waved her hand motioning for a nurse to come take it before she approached me had me just over it. Because hey…. I told ya so! Only about 10 min after that and the epidural, I was ready to push. (So then I was frustrated because I didn’t even need to get the epidural as it was kind of too late! I might as well never got it because it didn’t even kick in) I was told by the doctor to not make noise or yell but to just hold my breath instead. I immediately felt uneasy, embarrassed and self-conscious as if I was doing too much.  My child’s father was told to “not just stand there hold her left foot” when I had already planned for him to be by my side holding my hand and maybe snap a pic or two while of course staying focused and present in the moment. So, while I continued to push without trying to make noise, my thoughts were steered from just enjoying the moment to how tense the atmosphere was. This made me feel small as I couldn’t embrace what miracles my body was performing to bring life into this world.

After my last push, my baby girl was placed in my hands. All those feelings instantly went away as I brought her closer up to my face. Words can not describe how lite and calm I instantly felt as this cool sensation rushed over me. It may have been the epidural haha but I no longer cared about anything. It was just me and her in that bed, holding her for the first time while locking eyes is something I could never forget. Everything and everyone instantly was tuned out. Though there were nurses, loud noises and busy movement, I heard nothing! It was still and silent as I laid back holding her. That brief moment of my being my daughter’s comfort while she took her first breaths in this world was something I wish I could’ve captured. And that, that is what I mean by capturing the moments so you don’t have to worry about it. It’s important to live in the moment and embrace but I do understand it all goes by so fast.

My second birth experience was amazing. Though I had a water labor planned with my doula, I was laboring too fast for it to be ready in time. With the help of my doula, Emily (she was amazingly helpful by the way), the atmosphere was calm at all times. I had candles with dimmed lighting and jazz playing in the background. My midwife and doula were there every step of the way giving me options, letting me know that I can feel comfortable in doing anything that I needed to do to get through contractions. They made sure I was well educated throughout the laboring  process and postpartum care. My partner massaged me the whole time (his poor arms haha) while my doula pressed on my lower back during contractions easing me through breathing techniques. He also embraced me during every contraction and told me how good I was doing every chance he got. Between all three major support systems along with nurses, I really felt comfortable. They even let me yell as loud as I needed to haha! I was able to record my birth and it is something I am absolutely happy that I did. Though my baby boy is only 6 months now we still watch it all the time and it allows us to bond even more as we watch how vulnerable we were but was still able to get through it together and embrace it. 

Let’s Invest In Your Accomplishments Together!

Everyone’s experience is different, everyone’s story is different but there will is always be beauty in that one brief moment, a moment you will never be able to get back when your child that you carried for nine months enters the world. You want to remember those pro-founding, heart-felt, vulnerable, and intimate moments you experience during birth. You want to remember the look on your face, how warm they felt and the feeling that you embraced during and after. This is why you should document those moments. This is what I love to do and why I do it, capturing amourable shots that become mementos. Invest in yourself and let’s celebrate this accomplishment in life!